Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
