I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
