I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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