i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
