The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
