ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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