How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
