How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
