I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
