I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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