there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
