I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize