toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
