life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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