The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
