thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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