Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
