it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
People in love make me want to vomit
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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