i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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