I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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