fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
