your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
