She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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