Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
