my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
