I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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