Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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