i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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