sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
