In the future we'll all be gay
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize