It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In other news, I just burned my penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
