just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
birth control should be required to get into college
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
