so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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