I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize