I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
