i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
