Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
