Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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