You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
