chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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