Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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