I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
