I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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