the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
