in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize
