i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
