If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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