Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
