i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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