Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
