His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize