Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
