I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
