You just made me feel so damn special
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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