it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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