We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
