it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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