i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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