if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
