I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
