Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
