have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
