we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
