My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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