Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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