i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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