Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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